How to Manage Your Relationship With in-Laws and Extended Family

Beginning a relationship can seem so blissful. Then you come to realize that this is the person you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with.

At that moment of happiness, you do not realize that there is way more to think about, like the extended family and how to manage your relationship with in-laws.

No one ever thinks well when I fall in love with this person I will have to also fall in love with their family, but is there a need to learn ‘how to maintain a good relationship with your in-laws?’

Can in-laws become an issue in the relationship/marriage? or are there ways to have an easier relationship with your in-laws?

Some couples can agree that they would rather stay away from their in-laws because they just can’t get along rather than try managing in-law relationships.

However, there are marriages that can have a great time with their extended families and do it very often.

We have all heard of the movie “monster in law,” and other references to the mother-in-law from hell, but sometimes it is not even the mother in law that causes the turmoil in the relationship, it can be the father-in-law and/or the siblings.

There should also be titles for rude and nosy sisters-in-law and titles for know-it-all brothers-in-law. Whatever and with whomever, the issue may be, can cause a drift and a problem in a marriage/relationship.

One of the most important tips for building a relationship with your in-laws is to set certain boundaries in the relationship.

I recently attended a wedding and during the ceremony, the priest stated that once two people commit to marriage they are creating a new life together, and the family they were born into would come second and their wife/husband and children would be first.

Which is very true, but can be forgotten. I loved reading this quote, “Your spouse should not be second to your parents, friends, coworkers, or even to your children” (dr.dougweiss.com).

Boundaries are very important and sometimes the family on either side lacks them or pretends not to have them.

For a marriage to work, it is important, that both spouses remind their families of this and stick to what they agreed to in their marriage. In-laws can be toxic, and this is not fair for a marriage/relationship.

Rumors and gossip by in-laws are just the beginning, making things tense and uncomfortable.

It is also important to note that with the holidays these issues become even more stressful in a relationship.

It is possible that spouses have to split time with each other’s family during the holidays causing chaos and anxiety.

Couples need to understand that love, respect, trust, understanding, and friendship are very important for a marriage/relationship to succeed. Spouses come first and in-laws are now second!

“A meddling in-law who is demanding, controlling, and intrudes into the lives of your marriage is what the Bible calls a “busybody.” Don’t give way for your own family to impose on your marriage”.

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Lorena Magallanes Marriage & Family Therapist   | Practice License Verified

Lorena Magallanes is a licensed marriage and family therapist providing support to families, children, youth, and couples. She earned her bachelors in Psychology and masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of La Verne. She recently also earned her masters in School Counseling with... Read more PPS credential. She has been providing therapeutic services since 2011. She currently works at Bonita Unified School District as a therapist providing therapy to children, teens, and families. Her interests include cognitive behavioral therapy, restorative practices, mindfulness, and wellness. Read less

(Lorena Magallanes is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in San Dimas)