15 Reasons Why Married People Cheat

Why do married people cheat? Short answer, because they can. Every relationship is based on mutual love and affection. It is unnecessary to be together 24/7/365 and keep track of every little activity your partner does.

Long answer, married people cheat because they want something more than what they have. Infidelity is a choice, and it always has been. Loyal partners do not cheat because they choose not to. It’s that simple.

However, sometimes things lead to cheating without even consciously thinking about it. Further in this article, we will explore why do people cheat and how common cheating is in marriage. 

Why do people cheat when happily married?

The reasons why do married people cheat are numerous. However, sexual unhappiness, emotional unavailability, boredom, low self-esteem, a sense of entitlement, and dissatisfaction in marriage are the most common reasons to begin with.

It may sound like an exaggeration, but marital infidelity puts your entire life on the line. A single mistake can change your life. Divorce will traumatize your children, and it’s expensive. If that isn’t risking your life, what is?

But many spouses still cheat, if we look at the underlying causes of infidelity, some of them are worth putting your life and marriage at risk, or so cheaters believe.

Is it common for married couples to cheat?

When you talk about cheating, a high percentage of people will agree that cheating is wrong, yet many end up straying away from their relationship. 

There could be many reasons why married people cheat, ranging from childhood issues, frustration, lack of love to lack of physical connection, etc. we will discuss the reasons behind cheating in depth below. Still, first, we need to understand the gender difference in cheating.

There are few gender differences. According to Inter Family Studies, men cheat more as they age.

But that statistic is deceiving, and the graph increases as people age. That is not likely true. It probably just means people are more honest about extramarital activities when they get older.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

A young person may cheat and not be honest about it with their significant other, possibly due to not seeing the severity of the consequences.

If that study is to be believed, the older people get, the more likely they are a cheating spouse. It also shows that it is more likely that the man is cheating on his wife.

But if you look real close, the cheating husbands statistic jump only past the age of 50. That is menopausal age, and women lose their sex drive during that time, which could explain why married men cheat at that age.

Meanwhile, Mel Magazine has a different interpretation of the study. They believe that before the age of 30, wives are more likely to cheat on their husbands. The article gave plenty of examples of why women cheat on their husbands.

The wife cheating on husband trend is likely to increase as more women become empowered, independent, earn more, and step away from traditional gender roles.

The feeling of being the “superior income-generating partner” is one reason why men cheat on their wives. As more women earn their own keep and have less fear of being left behind, the wife infidelity trend becomes more and more apparent.

The reasons why married people cheat are the same. However, as more women become self-aware and step away from the “kitchen sandwich maker gender role,” more women find the same reasons (or rather, the same thought process) valid to commit marital infidelity.

5 causes and risks of why married people cheat

There is no single reason why married people engage in extramarital affairs. However, some reasons might increase the odds of infidelity in a married relationship. 

Usually, both partners are responsible for messing up their marriage, but some individual causes and risks lead to cheating in marriage.

1. Addiction 

If a partner is addicted to substance abuse such as alcohol, gambling, drugs, etc., it increases the chances of cheating in marriage. All these addictions might cloud one’s judgment, and they might end up crossing the line they might not have crossed if they were sober. 

Here is a video that might help you recover bad habits.

2. Childhood trauma

A person who has been exposed to physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect might have a higher chance of cheating on their partner.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, further shares:

With childhood trauma, the person may feel they are not worthy of a healthy relationship and, therefore, do something like cheat to sabotage it.

Having childhood trauma or unresolved issues might make you cheat. 

Related Reading: How Childhood Trauma Affects Relationships?

3. Mental disorder 

People who have bipolar personalities might end up cheating. People with borderline personality disorder have a dysfunctional personality and might get so self-centered that they might cheat on their partner. 

Related Reading: What Mental Health Issues Are a Deal Breaker in Marriage?

4. A history of cheating 

There is a reason people say once a cheater, always a cheater. If your partner has a history of cheating on their previous partners, they are highly likely to repeat the history. 

5. Exposure to cheating while growing up 

People who have witnessed infidelity in their childhood have more chances to cheat on their partners. If they have already seen their parents having an extramarital affair are most likely to repeat it in their life.

Maggie Martinez highlights that:

If, as children, we see our parents cheating, we are likely to believe that is normal behavior and carry this pattern into adulthood.

15 Reasons Why Married People Cheat

Cheating is a dirty business. It is also rewarding and exciting, just like bungee jumping or skydiving. The cheap thrill and memories are worth risking your entire life.

Here are the common reasons why do married people cheat.

1. Self-discovery

Once a person has been married for a while, they start feeling like there’s something more in life. They start to look for it outside of their marriage. The thrill of turning a new leaf clouds people’s judgment, and they end up making mistakes such as cheating on their partner.

2. Fear of aging

At some point in their lives, married people compare themselves to hearty young people (including their younger selves). They may be tempted to see if there’s still juice in them.

3. Boredom

Been there, done that, with your partner and back. Things start to look boring once everything becomes repetitive and predictable.

They say variety is the spice of life, and sharing your life with just one person contradicts that. Once people start to crave something new, it opens the door to infidelity.

Related Reading: How to Fight Boredom in your Marriage

4. Misaligned sex drive

It’s apparent during the teenage years that some people want sex more than others. It’s a biological difference known as libido or sex drive. Something in the human body does crave sex more than others. 

If you marry someone with a much higher or lower sex drive, your sex life will be unsatisfactory for both parties. Over time, the partner with the higher sex drive will look for sexual gratification elsewhere.

Related Reading: 15 Common Causes of Low Sex Drive in Marriage

5. Escapism

The mundane life of a dead-end job, a mediocre lifestyle, and unremarkable prospects for the future lead to depression, emotional disconnect, and anxiety. Neglecting marital duties comes shortly after.

Just like the self-discovery excuse, people start to look for their “place” in the world outside of marriage. A delusion based on their broken dreams they never had the courage or grit to work for in the past.

6. Emotional deprivation

The day-to-day life of juggling child-rearing, career, and chores leave little time for romance. Partners start thinking about what happened to the fun person they married, the person who is always there to support them and have the time to cater to their whims.

They eventually start looking for that missing fun and romance somewhere else. It is the most common reason why do married people cheat.

Related Reading: Are You Suffering from Touch Deprivation?

7. Revenge

It may surprise you, but revenge is one of the more common reasons why people cheat on their partners. It’s unavoidable that couples have conflicts and disagreements. Trying to solve it sometimes only makes it worse.

Ultimately, one partner will decide to lash out their frustrations through infidelity. Either to relieve themselves or to deliberately piss off their partner through cheating.

Related Reading: 6 Reasons Why Revenge Cheating is Not a Good Idea

8. Selfishness

Remember a lot of partners cheat because they can? That’s because they are selfish bastards/bitches who want to have their cake and eat it too. They care very little about the damage to their relationship as long as they get to enjoy themselves.

Deep inside, most people feel this way but are responsible enough to restrain themselves. Selfish bastards/bitches feel that the responsible group are just cowards who won’t give in to their true desires.

Related Reading: How Selfishness in Marriage Is Wrecking Your Relationship

9. Money

Money problems can lead to desperation. I don’t even mean selling off themselves for cash. It does happen, but not as often to be included in the “common reason” for cheating. What is common is money problems lead to the other problems mentioned above. It leads to mediocrity, arguments, and emotional disconnect.

10. Self-Esteem

This is closely related to the fear of aging. You can consider that reason as a self-esteem issue in itself. Some married people feel tied to their commitments and long to be free.

They might feel they are just living through life without living life. Couples see others enjoying their lives and want the same.

Related Reading: Self-Esteem Makes Successful Relationships

11. Sex addiction 

Some people are literally addicted to sex. They have a high sex drive that sometimes doesn’t match with their partners, and they end up finding multiple partners to satisfy themselves. 

As soon as these people find their married sex life unsatisfactory, they start prying their eyes elsewhere. 

Related Reading: What Are The Causes of Sex Addiction

12. Poor boundaries 

It’s important to set the proper boundaries with people. You should always know what is acceptable or unacceptable for you. 

People with poor boundaries have a high risk of getting involved in an extramarital affair. Such people might have a problem saying no or rejecting others. 

Related Reading: 15 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries in Relationships

13. Exposure to a lot of porn

Pornography has a negative impact on your mental health. If someone 

has a lot of exposure to pornography, they end up setting unrealistic expectations in their mind. 

When these expectations aren’t fulfilled within the marriage, they might stray away to find it elsewhere. However, online cheating is also 

Related Reading: 6 Proven Tips to Overcoming Porn Addiction Immediately

14. Internet 

The role of the internet in extramarital affairs has been downplayed. The internet provides many opportunities to commit infidelity, especially emotional infidelity. 

It is much easier to get acquainted with someone else on a social media platform. Since it doesn’t require a lot of effort, online cheating becomes an easy escape as people believe they aren’t cheating if they haven’t met the person in real life. 

15. Obvious opportunities 

When people travel a lot because of their work or any other reason and stay away from their partner a lot, they might think of cheating as a perfect opportunity. 

The absence of their partner might lead them to believe that they can hide even if they cheat on their partner. 

Takeaway 

Why do people cheat? Those listed above are the most common reasons. Marriage is complicated, yet there is no proper reason to justify why do people cheat. 

The best way to protect your marriage is to work on your marriage regularly. Keep the communication clear and regular, practice forgiveness, express your physical needs, etc., to ensure your relationship doesn’t lose its charm. Keep your marriage happy and satisfactory.