10 Signs of Financial Abuse in Marriage

The scenario of financial abuse in marriage is all too common and all too chilling. Financial abuse is a very sick dynamic in a marriage. It can look like any of the following

Every expenditure is aggressively accounted for. Purchases at grocery stores and other venues are vigorously tracked, with the “buyer” given just enough money to complete the task.

Other expenditures like health care expenses, clothing, and the like are discouraged. If a partner does not comply with these rigid demands, there is a “price” to pay.

Let’s be clear as we begin to talk about spousal financial abuse and delve deep into the dynamics of a financially abusive relationship.

Financial bullying in marriage is a subset of emotional abuse and can be just as corrosive as physical abuse.

In this article, we’re going to study the major signs of financial abuse in marriage and ways to deal with them.

What is financial abuse in a marriage?

Financial abuse definition translates into one partner exercising control over the other partner’s access to financial resources, which diminishes the abused partner’s capacity to be financially self-sufficient and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially.

A partner in a toxic marriage attempts to assert control by taking overall assets. The underlying intent of the financially abusive partner is clear: keep the spouse from having the means to leave the union.

When one spouse creates a situation in which the other spouse does not have access to liquid assets, financial abuse, also known as economic abuse, is in play.

Financial abuse by a spouse is a silent weapon in a relationship and comes with serious consequences for the marriage.

What are some examples of financial abuse?

Financial abuse encompasses various harmful behaviors aimed at controlling or exploiting someone financially. 

Examples include restricting access to money, controlling all financial decisions, withholding funds for basic needs, forbidding employment, stealing or misusing assets, coercing into debt, or using financial dependence to manipulate and maintain power in a relationship.

These are all signs of financial abuse in marriage that need to be worked upon immediately.

10 signs of financial abuse in marriage

By taking stock of the early warning signs of financial abuse in marriage, you can find ways to escape the trap of money abuse in marriage.

Let’s take a look at the signs and symptoms of financial abuse in relationships, and consider some ways to counter economic abuse in marriage.

1. Denial of access

The first among the signs of financial abuse in marriage is limited or no access to assets. If your partner does not provide you with free access to your money, this is a cause for concern.

While marital assets come from a variety of streams, they are marital assets. Not being able to access these funds when the need arises is a significant red flag in your relationship.

2. Intense monitoring of spending

A spouse that requires a detailed expense report of marital finances, receipts, and anecdotal descriptions of your spending is a spouse with pronounced control issues. This hawk-eyed approach is one of the key financial abuse signs.

Further, requiring that you remit every penny of change after expenditure is an area of concern. Monitoring is compounded by the advent of digital accounts.

Because digital interfaces afford consumers “Real-Time” monitoring of financial transactions and balances, the scrutiny from the one perpetrating financial abuse in marriage can be even more pronounced.

These are just some of the glaring financial abuse in marriage facts.

3. Unhappy with spending that benefits the abused

If you spend money on yourself for clothing, entertainment, food and the like and your partner goes nuclear, you have a problem as this can be one of the signs of financial abuse in marriage.

There is nothing wrong with engaging in self-care and spending a little bit of money to make it possible.

Gauge the reaction of your partner when you report an expenditure. Is he furious? Run!

4. Your partner gives you an allowance

You are not a child “earning your keep” or attempting to curry some favor with your intimate partner.

It’s not okay for your spouse to give you an allowance as this is derogatory and clearly one of the signs of financial abuse in marriage.

Again, marital assets are marital assets. You are entitled to spend the marital money so long as you are doing it in a healthy and communicative way.

If you’ve been restricted to the predetermined, inflexible amount of financial support, something’s not right.

Further, if the “allowance” is taken from you, something truly unsavory and concerning is afoot. Don’t stand for it!

5. Demanding repayment

Your spouse/partner is not a savings and loan account. Treating them like one can be among the signs of financial abuse in marriage.

When you make household purchases out of marital funds, it is quite inappropriate for the partner to ask for repayment of the funds. Unfortunately, this happens too often.

Further, some extremely nasty spouses demand interest on marital funds that are to be repaid.

Yes, it’s ridiculous and yes, you do not have to live with it.

6. Not approving you working outside

Often the financial abuse individuals endure morphs into something far more nefarious.

If your partner will not let you work outside of the home, the issue runs far deeper than finances. A dangerous situation exists if you are unable to leave home.

No one should ever feel restricted in this way. Even if you are made to feel guilty about working, be on your guard. You should never be made to feel shame about wanting to work outside the home. 

It would also be helpful to become aware of some key dynamics of abuse in a relationship and seek help.

7. The double standard

Sometimes an abusive partner will make a whopper of a purchase with your joint money after you’ve bought something small for yourself. A major one among the signs of financial abuse in marriage!

A massive, unexpected purchase after a rough fight is an indicator of financial abuse. This is, of course, all about control.

Your abusive partner cannot stand the thought of you doing something good for yourself that reaches beyond them. They need to get over it.

8. Coerced debt

Financial abusers may force their partners to take on debt or use their partner’s credit without their consent. This is a marriage financial abuse. 

They may manipulate the victim into signing loans or credit agreements, which can leave the victim burdened with financial obligations they did not willingly enter into.

9. Hiding financial information

Keeping financial information secret is a common tactic of financial abusers. They may conceal bank statements, bills, or other important financial documents, preventing the victim from gaining a clear understanding of their financial situation and making informed decisions.

10. Gaslighting and minimizing financial concerns

Financial abusers often downplay or dismiss their partner’s legitimate financial concerns, making them feel guilty or irrational for raising such issues. Gaslighting tactics, such as denying financial actions or distorting financial realities, are used to manipulate the victim’s perception and maintain control over the financial narrative.

What to do if you’re experiencing financial abuse in your marriage?

If you’re experiencing financial abuse in your marriage, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself and regain control over your finances. Here are five things you can do:

Seek support

Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance. Consider contacting local domestic violence organizations or helplines specialized in assisting victims of financial abuse. They can offer resources, counseling, and legal advice tailored to your situation.

Educate yourself about your rights

Take the time to learn about your financial rights and the laws that protect you in cases of financial abuse. Research local laws on divorce, property division, and spousal support. 

Understanding your rights can empower you to make informed decisions and take appropriate action. Alternatively, you can also try to learn ways how to resolve financial conflict in marriage.

Secure your financial information

Safeguard your personal financial information by creating passwords and securing your accounts. Monitor your credit report regularly to detect any unauthorized activity. If necessary, open a separate bank account that the abusive spouse cannot access, and consider redirecting important mail to a safe address.

Develop a safety plan

Create a plan to ensure your safety and financial well-being. This may involve setting aside emergency funds in a secure location, gathering important documents (e.g., IDs, financial records, insurance policies), and establishing a support network of people you can rely on in times of need.

Consult a professional

Seek advice from marriage counseling professionals experienced in dealing with financial abuse, such as attorneys, financial advisors, or therapists. They can provide valuable guidance on legal options, financial planning, and emotional healing. 

Consultation with an attorney can help you understand the legal steps to protect your rights and potentially initiate divorce or separation proceedings.

Watch this video as 4 women share their stories about financial abuse:

What are financial red flags in marriage?

Financial red flags in a marriage can include secretive or controlling behavior around money, excessive debt without clear explanations, unexplained financial transactions, a lack of transparency regarding financial decisions, unequal financial contributions, and the inability to discuss or address financial issues openly and honestly.

Step out of the abuse

If financial abuse in marriage is your reality and your partner exhibits the red-flag characteristics of an abuser, then choosing to leave the abuser and establishing a financial plan for survival is a must-have.

Breaking free from financial abuse may require careful planning and support. Prioritize your safety, well-being, and financial independence as you navigate this challenging situation.

Expert Q&A

Is it okay to take half the money from joint accounts in a 50/50 state when considering divorce?

Grady Shumway

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Expert Answer

In a 50/50 state, it's common for assets to be divided equally, but it's best to consult a lawyer before making any financial moves. Taking half of the joint funds may seem fair, but proper legal guidance prevents potential complications during the divorce process.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less