How to Deal with Financial Stress in Marriage Without Losing Your Mind

According to a study by SunTrust, finances are the number one cause of stress in a marriage.

Another study by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis makes money issues the third leading cause (22%) of all divorces. 

Marriage and finances are intertwined

Money and marriage can often introduce a series of disagreements, secrets, and conflicts.

If you are stressed about money, disappointment, frustration, and unwanted surprises can  fill up your life. 

Nerves wear thin, and your perspective becomes utterly chaotic.

If one doesn’t tread with caution and seek timely financial help, losses may be more than just financial stress. 

Don’t let money issues in marriage ruin your relationship with your spouse.

Money problems in marriage don’t need to have a lingering, looming presence in a couple’s life.

By seeking financial planning for couples, and uprooting the causes that contribute to financial issues in marriage, a couple can keep financial dishonesty in marriage at bay, and maintain the equilibrium of finances in marriage.

The following tips on marriage and money can help you fight and wade through the financial stress in marriage, solidly and successfully. 

1. Talk openly, communicate and set goals

Financial stress brings a lot of unanswered questions along with pressures, like, “What will happen now?” or “How will we survive this?” etc.

Such is the time to move forward together as a married couple. Talk to each other honestly and openly.

Don’t keep any secrets if you want to circumvent financial stress in marriage. 

Set a direction that you mutually support and then just follow your set path with full confidence in each other, and you will beat the financial stress in marriage hands down. 

2. Prioritize together

Prioritize the things that you value the most.

To successfully combat financial stress in marriage the couple has to agree on the prioritized list mutually which they have made and then follow it diligently with full support and cooperation.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, says

Establishing mutual priorities helps couples align their values and goals, fostering teamwork in overcoming financial stress. Open communication and commitment to these priorities can strengthen the relationship and build resilience against challenges.

3. Stop keeping secrets

Again, coming back to keeping secrets, financial stress and any kind of financial problem can never be handled alone.

It’s a ‘together’ thing that needs to be dealt with candid openness and honesty.

Believing in your partner and reaching mutual solutions together is the key to fight any financial crisis you might be facing, and building compatibility in the arena of marriage finances.

4. Acknowledge and accept emotions

Bitterness, guilt, and frustration, usually associated with financial stress, will have an impact on your relationship with your spouse, children, and even your faith.

So, how to manage finances in a marriage?

Understanding these emotions and dealing with them together can help a marriage stay away from financial problems in marriage. 

Flow with these emotions, embrace them, understand their depth but use their force to fight the financial stress together instead of each other.

5. Avoid the blame game

When times are tough, don’t play the blame game.

Once a situation is handled, there will be ample time for reflection and debriefing.

For now, don’t add strain to your already stressed marriage by pointing fingers.

6. Learn to compromise

In marriage, it is likely there’s always going to be a spender and a saver, leading to an inevitable financial strain. 

To deal with financial stress in marriage, proper teamwork, planning, and dedication are required so the couple can compromise and set a path for themselves which has their mutual consent.

Disagreement and stubbornness from either side can further escalate the monetary stress burdening the marriage.

Grady Shumway adds here

Compromise is essential in navigating financial differences within a marriage, as it fosters collaboration and understanding. By actively listening to each other’s perspectives, couples can create a balanced financial plan that reflects their shared values and goals, reducing stress and enhancing their partnership.

7. Do not be shy to accept help

The burden due to financial stress can be a tremendous one for any marriage and accepting help might be difficult for a lot of couples.

Why? The simple answer is “Pride.”

So, keep that ego away if you want to work through this.

One must consider enlisting help from appropriate sources.

If a friend or family member can help you get back on track, accept their generosity. Don’t let your stubbornness ruin your relationship.

Also, don’t hesitate from seeking formal, third-party intervention in the form of financial marriage counseling. 

Sometimes, a marriage is strained by financial bullying in marriage.

Financial bullies are dangerous. Financial bullying is a sign of an abusive marriage.

If your spouse is withholding funds, refusing you access to funds, hiding debts, or following a strict protocol for spending and budgeting, then it is symptomatic of financial abuse in marriage.

Financial counseling for couples is absolutely imperative if it seems unfixable on your own and it’s come to the point where it’s no longer possible to talk to your spouse about the increasing lack of financial transparency or compatibility.

8. Minimize pressure

Financial stress can consume a marriage.

So, focus your energy on other chores.

Remove yourself from worry and strain so that you can manage your stress-related burden, positively and efficiently.

What’s done is done.

It’s better to look to the future and plan accordingly instead of spending every second remembering where it all went wrong.

9. Turn to your faith

For some couples, having strong faith can be a rock-solid pillar in times of crisis.

When financial stress is weighing you down, religion, belief, and devotional work can be instrumental in getting couples through such desperate times.

10. Count your blessings

Money-related stress, tests the basic foundations of a marriage.

A lot of couples stop looking at the blessings around them, focusing solely on the problems and the awful experiences they have.

This makes their spouses also feel angry and depressed.

Take a deep breath and solely focus on the love you share with each other as a family.

11. Do Not ignore the “B” word

How do married couples handle finances?

Design and track a budget with your spouse.

“B” for budget – the one most important thing to practice during financial stress.

After specific goals have been set and a shared economic vision materialized, as a team, create a budget that will work for your household.

For a successful budget, both spouses should agree on it and then commit to it.

Evaluate the lifestyle implications of your new financial plan, clarify the choices and sacrifices, being made by both of you as a couple, express your concerns and hesitations and produce a budget that will work to make your situation better.

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12. Stay in control

Financial stress in marriage will surely tempt you to throw up your hands in defeat.

But remember, a cool head and mutual support system, believing in each other and stubbornly following your anti-financial stress plan, will give you that ultimate control over this dire situation and help you pass this crisis with success.

13. Do not be afraid to dream

No matter how burdened financial stress makes a marriage feel, always keep your dreams alive for a better future together.

Such a storm shall too come to pass.

A key take-away for couples to manage financial stress in marriage is to build healthy financial habits.

Discuss your goals, build an emergency fund, focus on monthly savings and have weekly money dates to talk about marriage finances with your significant other.

This list of advice will help you make the most crucial decisions regarding marriage finances.

Following one step at a time will help you become open about money, grow trust and intimacy in your relationship and keep financial stress in marriage away.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less